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Monday, January 17, 2011

I’m not a rock

This is an old letter I wrote to my BEST friend 
(since we were 2 years old) 
a few years ago. 
Lately I feel like she needs a little reminder..
Different stipulations.. Same outcome...
It STILL applies Hunnie...

*November 10th, 2008*

I’m not a rock
I never have been.

At least not a very good one.
&& to see you there in front of me, everything aside, complete emotion, no holds to anything but the tears pouring from your heart

It leaves me speechless.

I Don't know what to do.

I want to help.
I want to fix it.. fix you.
Make everything all better.

But right now I don't feel like the friend I should be, 
because I'm sitting there staring @ you trying to find a way to change the subject because seeing you so helpless is not only complete torture to me but very, VERY frightening.

I have been so uncomfortable the last few days with my OWN shit.

but I was taken so off guard by the way seeing you helpless hit me.

I'm so so sorry.

I'm trying.

I only know how to be the bitch.
The tough one, the stubborn, bullheaded, we don't need them if we have each other one..
and this time that's the last person you need.

You need another like you.

Soft, caring, understanding...
Someone who can sit & be with you while you cry your eyes out 
& still calmly sit there and tell you it will be OK..

Not me who is so angry with the one that did this to you that I want to go hunt them down... & its taking every ounce of strength I have and every bit of respect for you not too.

I am Soooooo Way Over my head here.

But I will still stand by you.
I will still hold your hand.
I will still hug you while you cry.
I will do everything I can to be there for you as you would for me

Because this isn't ABOUT me.

Have to say this isn't what I MEANT,

But it will have do.

I Love you Breeze.
Gimme A minute, && I will do my VERY best.



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