My Tiny Place

Coming back after a long break away is always hard.
 It's tough for me to find my starting line.
When I last wrote, I had planned to check in more often. I was hoping to get back to doing something that brought me happiness. Something that gave me my place of solitude. Get back to being me. My own Tiny Place.

But life had other plans.

Since the beginning of July 2016 my life has been a roller coaster of emotions. 
I'm not ready for one long detailed post about everything... 
So I will just hit the bullet points for now. 

July 6th, 2016 - The day that changed my world forever.
My 19 year old brother Michael was killed.

(For multiple reasons I still can't talk about that here... 
continuous court proceedings being one of them. Hopefully someday soon...)

July 24th - Baby #2 Gender Reveal!
We did our best to reclaim a moment of sanity when some of my closest friends gently convinced me to continue plans with our Gender reveal BBQ.
*It's a Girl!!*

July 30th, 2016 - Michael's Funeral
After a month of hard work, sleepless nights, and tough meetings we finally laid my baby brother to rest. It was a bittersweet moment. In pure Clayton fashion, we rounded the night out with a potluck Bonfire. 

August 2nd, 2016 - Mosquito Allergy
After the bonfire Kai had a few Mosquito bites.. That quickly progressed to something so obviously worse. After a last second appointment with his pediatrician, it was confirmed. Little man is allergic to MOSQUITOES. UGH. 

August 9th, 2016 - Fire Alarm Fiasco
This was the first in a LONG string of random unnecessary false fire alarms in my apartment building. Just a bullet point on the list of why we eventually moved...

August 12th, 2016 - Date Days
My MIL insists on giving me some personal time to process everything that has been happening. Her and Kai start what will become a favorite tradition for them... Kai & Grammie date days! (Generally movies and Mcdonalds)
October 2nd, 2016 - Baby Shower
Who knew falling in love would be so adorable.

October 8th - Daddy nesting hits
Ryan finally breaks and demands the new car seat installed.

October 11th - Maternity shots at the pumpkin patch.
My belly was getting SO big.

October 15 - Pumpkin
We "borrow" a new kitten from my sister. 
It somehow (almost) never leaves.

October 23rd, 2016 - Dehydrated false alarm.
22 hours later, Baby girl is okay... my body just still hates me. 

October 31st, 2016 - Halloween

Preggo Winnie-the-Pooh, Sexy Darth Vader & a T-rex


November 8th, 2016 -A Nation of Fear.
Trump somehow becomes President, and I'm at a loss.

November 13th, 2016
Aaliyah Breeze Russell is born!!!

November 24th, 2016 - Thanksgiving

December 10th, 2016 - Marshmallow
We meet our special Christmas elf for the first time ever.

December 13th, 2016
Jordan Michael is here!!

My late baby brother's little man makes his arrival!

December 21st, 2016 - Superman falls...
Another loss for our family. Danielle's dad, my step dad Eric passes.

 We feel the gravity rip us into pieces.

December 25th, 2016 - Christmas

Dec 31/Jan 1st, 2017 - New years eve/day
Happy 30th Birthday to me!

January 28th, 2017 - Kai's first sleepover 
with his best friend cousin Caydence

March 22nd, 2017 - Celebrating Michael's 20th

April 21st, 2017 - Easter

April 27th, 2017  - Aaliyah's First word
"Da-Da"

April 28th, 2017 - Kai turns 4!!

May 17th, 2017 = Aaliyah turns 6 months

July 5th, 2017 - The big snip
Ryan takes care of business. 
We have our boy, we have our girl. 
I have NO interest in any more morning sickness. 
So we made a big decision. 

July 6th, 2017 - 
The one year anniversary for my brother.  
A bonfire with my close family. It's going to become our annual thing.

July 9th, 2017 - 
Aaliyah's first tooth!

September 3, 2017 - 
We officially moved out of our apartment! 

*Thanks to Mimi & Kevin for allowing this big transition!*


September 6th, 2017 - 
Kai's first day of preschool!!

 

September 24th, 2017 - 
Taking a moment to appreciate the growth in our life.

October 31st 2017 - Halloween

The year of doubles, Two Captains, Two Lilos. 

November 1st, 2017 - Our 15 year anniversary <3

This picture was taken the night before,
 sitting on the bench in the High school were we met.

November 13th, 2017 -
Aaliyah Breeze turns one!!!

December 5th, 2017 - 
The kids spend there first time in daycare while
 Ryan and I are in court for my brother.

December 21st, 2017 - 
The one year anniversary for my step dad.

December 25th, 2017 - 
Christmas

January 20th, 2018 - Charizard
The newest spontaneous member of our squad.

January 21st, 2018 - 
Ryan spends a week in Mexico for work.

January 25th, 2018 - 
Kai is enrolled in Kindergarden!!

I can't tell you how many times I have opened up this blog to start writing again, and couldn't because SO much had happened. I NEED this space back. I NEED my Tiny Place.  There have been a few more here and there but at least that gets you caught up for the most part. Now I feel like I can move on from the last two year hiatus. Eventually I would like to come back and write about a few of these bullet points now and again, maybe. we shall see. 

Anyways... I would like to hope I can come back to writing more often. I do think that this blog is going to change a bit from what it was. Who I am as a person is very different. Things have changed my mental dynamic. It will be interesting to see where things go from here...

If your still here with me, thank you. <3

Man oh man, time does fly...

Well damn.

Last time I wrote in here was Kai's 2nd birthday... THAT was a LONG time ago.

Kai has recently celebrated his 3rd birthday, Ryan has switch to morning shift at work & we have moved to a new bigger apartment in a new city closer to Ryan's work in preparation for our newest adventure...

Baby Number 2!!!

Yup, that's right! We are happily expecting another addition to our little brood, and this time.. it's a girl! :D

See? Alot has been happening. 

I'm hoping to get back to writing again. There is a lot more to talk about, but for now I'll leave it simple and sweet with a few pictures to quench your thirst!
<3

If you don't already, follow me on Instagram, where I post more on a regular. 
(simple pictures are so much easier, don't you think?)

It's great to be back, oh how I've missed you all!

Don't forget to check out
my photo blog Pocket Memories

My Tiny Place

Recently, someone I consider a friend 

(even if over 2,000 miles away and only through the internet) 

took a look at her life through her blog and realized the lifespan of her writing there had come to an end. Not in a negative way, but just, her life and writing had moved on from what was originally planned there. All her blogging goals accomplished.

 

Even though I knew it was coming (I was messaging her while she was writing it) I still had tears in my eyes the entire time I read her post. I "met" her in the beginning of her blog and have kept up with her over the span of the last 5 years.

 

She has been through so much, and come out changed for the better at the end. Stronger. More vibrant & filled with purpose in the form of her beautiful baby girl. As I read through her memories of past posts, reading some I needed refreshments of and not even needing to click others knowing to which she's referring EXACTLY I began to reflect on my life. In her self reflection she has caused me to look at myself the same way.

 

Have I grown? 

 

Have I changed for the better?

 

Have I learned anything here?

 

I know I'm nowhere ready for "The End" of this space, but I feel like I need to bring it back around to myself, rather than empty space-filling posts. Somewhere last year I forgot this was my space of reflection. My place to write down all my feelings in an unabashed, unfiltered light. My own "Tiny Place."

 

*For those other Dino-train parents out there, that one's for you!*

 

I have felt this way for awhile... the only problem was that a lot had happened the past year. A lot of things I hadn't quite gotten past.. let go of. 

 

 

It was like coming to a giant tree across the path I needed to take.

 

I tried to sit & wait for it to take care of itself, or for someone else to fix it for me.

I tried to just live with the tree. learning to thrive along with it.

 I tried to walk around it, or climb over it only to find out

that it's the biggest, thickest, never ending Redwood...

 

The only thing left to do, work my way THROUGH it. 

 

So that's exactly what I did.

 I put the major bits of My Story down in here. 

 

It was hard.

It was painful.

 

It was cathartic.

 

The best release I've felt in ages.

I feel like now it's "back to our normal scheduled programming."

 Like I can go about my life finally able to breathe again. 

So I'm not going anywhere yet, I still have a lot of growing to do.

Change is imminent.

 

This space helps me do just that. 

It heals me.

I want to tell my story..

Alot has happened in the last year. 
Alot, that has changed me.

For better or worse is yet to be known... but changed is for sure. 

One thing I know is that I want to tell my story.

MY story.

Uninterrupted. Not pressured. Unscrutinized. 
With no one else giving their own opinion or recount.
Just my story.

The problem with doing that, is like most stories I am not a sole character. There alot of others that play parts in my story. Big parts, little parts. Some would even recount the story in another way when looked at from their point of view...

But this is not their story.
It's mine.

Not everyone will like that I tell my story, or appreciate its rash honesty. I know there will for sure be a few who will be angry, irate even. Who won't understand, or approve. Those few can turn off their computer, get off the browser on their phone, activate the right to push that wondrous little red "X" in the top right-hand corner of the screen. No one will stop you. No one will judge you. Go ahead, it's okay.

There will be a few out there who will enjoy my story, feel enlightened with my personal push past self depreciation and self doubt to understand and enjoy the realistic view that I will present. Some will feel my pain, and relish in the fact that they are not the only one to have ever walked this fine line between real life and the soap opera your grandma watches.

Whatever the outcome, I am going to tell my story.

For me.
Cause right now, that's who I have to think about. It's my heart that needs to mend, and this is how I'm going to do it. Writing has always been the best medicine for me.

So bare with me (or not) over the next few weeks while I recount the major pieces to my puzzle. It will all fit together in the end.

But for those of you who stay? Those of you who hear me through to the end? Know now, I appreciate YOU more than you know. You listen, you love, YOU are my saving grace from this insanity I call life..

Cause with my story, I've always said I could meet Ellen. ;)

(To be continued..)  

Pt. 1

Pt. 2
Pt. 3
Pt. 4

Pt. 5
Pt. 6
Pt. 7
Pt. 8
Pt. 9
Pt. 10