My first two weeks at my new job have been... a little rough.
To be honest, I'm nervous about what I can & cannot say here for the first time ever. I've never really worried about the things I say here in my own little world, aside from trying my best to stay politically correct & as family friendly as I can. I understand that it does not always happen, but atleast I make an effort.
So, all that aside, working my new job has been... for lack of better words, rough.
Not because the job itself is taxing... Actually, it's really very simple. It's more the enviroment there that is almost to much to handle. Now, I pride myself on being very mature.
Yes, my Husband & I like to indulge in childish moments now & again,
(him ALOT more than me.) but I believe that it is key to living a full & happy life.
Now with that, the cumulative mindset at work is very childish- high school. Not all, but most.
Fake smiles, two-faced grins, back-stabbing hugs... & the whispers. The whispers are the worst. I understand that gossip is the common in most workplace. Especially when the majority of your co-workers are female or gay boys.
(Out of a hundred people working there,
5 are straight men, & they gossip just as much as the rest!)
If it were just normal, petty things, I wouldn't even be bothered. But on my FIRST day on shift, about to clock out, a co-worker turns to me and says:
"You know, I really like you! Your not half as bad as they made you out to be!"
EXCUSE ME?!?
Who are "they"? What was said? I'm glad you like me & all but
what the FREAKING HELL?!?!?!?!?!?!
Again I try to turn away. To not pay attention. Then I am told who it is that has been spouting of these uncomfortably rude bits about me...Some one I really thought higher than. Yea, we might not get along outside of work, but I would never go to where she worked & talk crap about her. (She works with me now.) I had actually said really NICE things about her the whole day!
So when normal people get to start a job fresh,
I get tons of preconceived notions to prove wrong.
That seriously hit a nerve with me. But again, I soldiered on. Then the next day, I hear that ANOTHER person who I was being really nice to had over heard somewhere that I had said we didn't really get along. & she decided that ment every time I was nice to her, I was really just being a kiss-ass.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?
I had NEVER said that. Not even anything CLOSE! & I was beeing nice because thats what NORMAL people do... plus, I have NEVER been a "kiss-ass". EVER. & i sure as HELL don't plan on starting NOW.
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.
Know this: I live with being extremely Bi-polar. (Among other things.) I have to make a choice every hour, every day to be happy, nice & postitive. Sometimes, I don't win that battle, Most of the time I do. But it is STILL a struggle. My manic is anger, it is the easiest for me. So when I work my butt off to be nice to someone, & the baisically spit in my face, It's a HUGE trigger for me. I want SO BADLY to show them exactly how nice I WAS being, & how NOT nice I really can be. I have to remind myself that it is not thier fault that they do not know how hard I am working. But It is also not my fault that they are simple minded & niave.
*Juuuuuust BREATHE, Jaimie. & thank god that irrationality & stupid is NOT contagious.*
So now I have calmed down. I have taken my breath.
What am I told next?
"Oh, By the way. One of the girls heard you mention that you had a miscarriage. That made her uncomfortable & she did not feel like it was appropriate work conversation. Just a heads up."
THAT my friends, was my final straw.
I could no longer control my rage.
I. WAS. LIVID.
Let me explain why:
- My lead is preggo. She doesnt say MUCH, but I do get to hear bits hear and there everyday about the nursery she's painting, her sleepiness from anemia, or how the baby is kicking.
- Melissa's baby, (Niecie) is talk of the town. Not that I mind, but since everyone wants common ground to talk about, I hear about it from EVERY SINGLE CO-WORKER.
- (This same day) I received an announcement email full with picture, weight, length, & footprints of a co-worker-I-havn't-even-MET-yet's new baby.
Now all I did was simply state that my husband & I had experienced a miscarriage last October but we are doing good, & trying again, when ASKED if I had any kids.
Seriously, If I get called into the office or talked to for that when EVERYONE else is talking about THIER little ones, I will have a COW.
A giant speckled one that gives strawberry milk & a swift kick in your ASS.
Just because mine was not actually born?
Please say something & push me over my edge.
I'm already hanging on by fingertips as it is.
So yea, I'd say this past 2 weeks has been... a bit rough.
Just a bit.
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