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Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Changes


Need a recap of what I'm talking about? read HERE.

Pt.2
Changes

I tried to let it go, the weird feeling pawing the back of my mind that something had changed. Chalked it up to the evil postpartum messing with my head and tried to move on, but that feeling steadily grew. I did everything in my power to start being better towards him, happier, more loving... and I was! I started feeling better, losing the feelings of angst or disgust. No longer wanting distance but beginning to relish in the love that I was sure was still there and appreciate the little family we had created. I would get up and make his lunch everyday, see him out the door with kisses, make sure the house was kept and clean when he returned. showered him with appreciation for sticking with me through such a difficult time. 
Even with all the good, I started to notice more and more not so subtle changes.. his clothes, his hair, his personal hygiene even. He would rush out the door for work without a glance back, not answer my calls if i tried. He even started regularly passing up our lunchtime call to hang out with a "buddy" of his. Now in a normal relationship that might seem common.. but in all the time Ryan & I had been together, we ALWAYS talked on lunch breaks. Since it was only once a week I tried to ignore the feeling that it was out of character & just figure that he was starting to become closer with a friend at work. I was happy for him! 
But on a few occasions when I would call with a question or text something about Kai he would ignore me.. only to call me back a few minutes later stating his "didn't hear" his phone. For anyone who MEETS my husband, he is perpetually attached to his phone. Always looking something up on the internet or searching through pictures of cars he has saved or playing some mobile game."Didn't hear" just didn't happen.
And then he began to pull away. Became distant. 
Gave halfway hugs & avoided kisses.

I began to worry. 
Again I turned to my best friend. 
"I'm not sure Jaimie, that does seem odd. 
You did do the same thing to him not long ago though... 
maybe he's just upset and being vindictive."
I guess that was possible, but not at all like him. 
Ryan was not a passive-aggressive kind of guy. 

More and more I noticed I just didn't have his attention in most things. He always seemed off in another world. When he was present, he was very grumpy, & cold. Then i noticed the secrecy. He would get up and leave the room to walk the dog, get socks, go to the bathroom..and always take his phone. weird, but not crazy. It was when I would walk into the room where he was I would notice the phone being quickly shut off and tucked away, only to be pulled back out immediately after I left. If he needed to check the phone while in the room with me where he couldn't leave, he would turn his entire body an awkward position away or hold his phone down in a weird position so that the screen wasn't visible.

Again, I understand this might seem normal to some, but with 11 years behind us. Always with open nonjudgmental lines of honesty & trust, this was incredibly odd. 

I was really starting to worry.

(to be continued..)

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3 comments:

-Mallori said...

my heart hurts for you my dear. But I'm only halfway through your story

Jaimie Russell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jaimie Russell said...

Not even half babes... I'm trying to get it all down, but it's harder than thought it would be..

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