Need a recap of what I'm talking about? read HERE.
She has NO idea.
She has NO idea.
Things were falling apart.
I could feel it.
& I was helpless.
I reached out to Tori the next day, hoping her short span of time around both of us could provide an outsiders opinion. See something I was missing.
The only opinion she had was that we needed to come home.
"I think you guys being apart while he's at work is going to be a bad idea."
What was I supposed to do? We were starting our family in our new home. A home I had worked really hard on the last 6 months to make exactly that... a HOME.
Why in the world would I move away?
In the end it worked out that we needed to move back for a short period anyways so that I could finish the schooling that I had put a hold on when Kai was born. It had always been the plan for me to finish once Kai was old enough, but being in Spokane was presenting to be a problem for my school. We had already talked to Tori & her husband about moving in with them again as we had a few years before, just long enough for me to finish school and then head back to Spokane. They wanted to be done with the roommate they had at the time and it would allow for an easy financial change over for them. So the search to find a place big enough for our two families began.
Durring that time things grew worse between Ryan and I. Somewhere along the way he confessed that he was talking via text to the Tori from his work, but that was all that it was. Knowing my husband had no experience in being anything other than monogamous, this calmed my fears for a short bit since I figured it was just an attention thing.
Nothing to worry about.
Just a fling.
For the record, I seriously hate that app.
After a few weeks it became obvious my husband was getting a little more invested than "Just texting" with this girl. Now that I knew about it he made no attempt to hide the fact that he was exchanging time with me or talking to me for time spent with or talking to her. I was instantly knocked down a few pegs on his importance scale.
It's just the attention. It feels great to be wanted by someone new.
He hasn't had that for along time..something new. Give him a break.
That's what I would tell myself.
But as he felt better and better about himself because of this other girl, who I irritatingly referred to as "his little missy" or just "Missy" for short so as I wouldn't get her name confused with that of my Tori... I felt less and less important.
Less and less wanted. Less and less loved.
I never felt like he didn't love me.. I just felt less loved as I had before.
And everytime that he left Kai & I home in Spokane to drive back to Seattle for work,
the time alone was agony.
So I made a decision.
I called my dad and asked if it was okay for Ryan, Kai & I to stay in his new (very nice) motor home for a month or two while we looked for a place in the area to move into with Tori & her family. My Dad was all to happy to help since it meant his one and only grandson would be steps away from his front door.
I told Ryan the next time he came home what the new plan was, and I was surprised when he wasn't happy about it! Up until that, he had been sleeping on a twin mattress that we had shoved into the back of his outback. I thought he would be thrilled to sleep on a normal bed. I also thought he would be a lot happier not having to be away from Kai & I so much... especially Kai. But as we made the move I could tell how unhappy this was making him. How irritated he was to have us around.
How is it that my best friend, the man I have spent the last eleven years with, the man I married and had the most beautiful baby with, suddenly loathes my company?
I was so lost.
"Tori, I don't know what to do. I'm trying everything. I'm dressing nice everyday. I'm being so super sweet. I'm being calm and happy and understanding. I'm here for him. but he's shutting me out. He doesn't even want to hold me.. or kiss me, let alone anything else. He's never, EVER been one to turn down sex.. yet I have gotten every excuse under the sun for the last two weeks from him. He doesn't even really seem to want to hold Kai.."
"Well hunny, he's distancing himself. He says he feels lost as well. Like Something broke and you guys are having a hard time fixing it."
"But if he wont even talk to me about it, if he wont even try! I just don't.. wait, when did he talk to you?!"
"He called me and asked for some advice, thats all."
But something about that didn't seem right.
That didn't at all seem like my Ryan.
Ryan felt that he couldn't talk to Tori because he felt she would always take my side no matter what. He had always told me felt uncomfortable talking to her about things because he knew she would just turn around and tell me anyways..
So why would he call her?
Over the next week or so I started to ask more questions. Paying more attention to who he was talking to. More and more, I came to notice Tori, not Missy in Ryan's phone log. Yes, I will even admit I checked his phone.. something I don't normally make a habit of. Matter of fact I am the one scolding my girlfriends when they tell me they are doing the same thing.
"I just need to know what's going on Tori! Something is not right..
I mean, why wouldn't he tell me that he's talking to you even? I mean, you two talk all the time! I saw his call records on his phone.."
This was not a simple statement. I knew what I was doing.
I was checking an idea.. a thought I was hoping was wrong.
Two days later the opportunity to see Ryan's phone presented itself again.
When I checked, my suspicions were confirmed.
"I'm TELLING you Tori! It's so weird, I was telling you about checking his phone, which I never do.. never had a need before.. but then the next time I look at his phone, everything is erased. Everything! Call logs, texts, everything! I'm telling you he must have overheard me or I let it slip or something, cause he never does that. He has a horrible memory, he leaves everything so he can check back when he forgets what he talked about. It's really out of character. I tried talking to him about it, but he won't say a word. You didn't say anything to him did you? It's so weird that it just happens to be after I said something to you! Like what he's hiding IS the fact that he's talking to you! I'm telling you... he MUST have over heard me."
He hadn't overheard me. I knew this. There was no way. He wasn't even home the day I had talked to Tori about it. I knew she must have said something to him during one of their talks. But now I had made it known to her that I knew what was going on.
Passive-aggressive I know, & completely not my style.. but it was Tori's style. And now that I knew she was talking to him more than she was leading on, I started noticing signs of her in conversations I would have with Ryan.
The next two weeks were touch and go.. I'm not even entirely sure of what happened along that time. All I know is I became even less aware of little Missy from his work, and increasingly convinced there was a bigger thing happening.
I was convinced that with all her attempts at trying to save my marriage,
Tori had succeeded in nothing but my husband falling for her..
& I didn't even think she had realized it.
(to be continued...)