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Monday, January 30, 2012

HOLY Crappy weekend...

This weekend has been pretty tough. 
I've had to watch my Momma go through a very hard turning point in her life.

Now even though we have our differences, my Momma and I are very, VERY close. We have told each other everything since I was 11 years old. We talk about everything... even the things you would normally only talk about with your closest girl friends. We know everything about each other and are always there for one another... which makes watching her be so upset is so painful.
My Momma will be the first to inform you she isn't perfect. She doesn't try to hide that. Instead, she accepts that we all as humans have faults and does her best to make herself better. I'm not about to delve into the gruesome details that make up her life... 

Even though I've told her that if I wrote them all down I could probably meet Oprah. :)
Maybe some other day.

But for now, lets just lay some minimal facts:
For about the last year, my Momma has been seeing this guy... we'll call him Beach Bum. I'm still fuzzy on how they met, but I know that at some point during the dating process, he convinced her to come out to Hawaii (where he was living for the moment) for a week long vacation, his treat. Now my Momma had been in a little bit of a rut for the last two years, since she and her 6 year boyfriend broke up... and upon hearing this I thought it was a great idea! She had never been and it had always been top of her bucket list.

"1. Sit on a beach in Hawaii, wine in my hand, my feet in the sand, 
great book, and not a care in the world!"

So I immediately was all for it. So, with the help of my 2 younger sisters, talked her into going.. I mean, they guy was PAYING for the entire thing. GO crazy lady... GO!! 

So she went, and the transformation was almost instant. 

(If you don't count the first night there, which was a little bit of a shock for her, 
being as she had NEVER been that far away from us girls... EVER. 
So the first night was a little rocky...) 

But after that, wow. It's amazing what a little vacation can do for the soul. During that week Beach Bum took her places she had never even dreamed of. Waterfalls, green sand beaches, black sand beaches, Lava Flows, Caves... and even with all that... she was relaxed.

Now I say that word with emphasis because you have to understand, My Momma doesnt really ever fully relax. There is always a little part of her brain that is going, thinking of her next task. But not there. No, there she was relaxing, smiling, & breathing...
it was so refreshing to hear over the phone. 
(We made up for the distance by talking almost every day.)

She was so happy, and had so much fun, that it wasn't really a shock to me when she told me that Beach Bum had asked her to move in with her... and that she was thinking about it.
I told her to go for it. Why not? Her and Beach Bum seemed to really be hitting it off, and what was holding her back? She had never taken a leap like this... so.. GO! All of us in the family were supportive. She assured me that while, yes, she really did like Beach Bum, and could see things going wonderfully with him.. this was for her, not him. 
Which made me even happier. 
So very shortly after, She quit her job, packed a bag, & was back in Hawaii.
She had asked Ryan and I to move into her house with my 
younger sister Dani to keep her life a little normal. 

(Her dad, my mom's Ex husband has lived in the downstairs part of the house for the last 8 years. They still got along fine, so this was more convenient for them. and as he has been around since I was about 8ish... This didn't bother me one bit.)  

Now, I will admit that it was a little weird knowing that she wasn't just on vacation. That she was actually living thousands of miles away. I had gone through the house and packed up all her stuff for her, and had now settled in myself into the house I basically grew up in, but she wasn't there. & It was really weird. We still talked as much as we could, but as the time went on, the space between calls got further and further. And I wasn't to sure how I felt about Beach Bum quite yet. A few things had set of my radar,
but I was still very happy for her... 
She was happy, & being in Hawaii really changed my Momma, for the better.

After a few months, she called me and announced that they were moving home. I'm not going to lie, I was pretty excited! Momma came home a little before Beach Bum and was staying with a friend while she looked for a place. As luck would have it, the neighbor who rented the house next to us was moving out in 2 weeks! Immediately Momma called the house owner (we've known him forever) and explained her situation and expressed her desire to rent the house. 2 weeks later Momma & Beach Bum moved in! 

Now, I will admit the Hubbly & I were a little nervous about such close living arrangements between my Momma & I. What has always been the saving point for us is that one of us can leave and go home. With us living next door to each other, things could get tricky... and in the beginning it was, especially with me still having some reserves about Beach Bum....but before long it was awesome! Anytime I wanted to see her, I could just grab a cup of coffee and head next door. When I got tired, I'd walk home. PERFECT.
And Momma was happy, she really was. Everything between her & Beach Bum was fantastic. The first few months Momma had been very honest with Beach Bum. She had been really broken during the last break up, and still wasn't fully healed. Even though during those months he constantly told her how important she was to him, and continued to say how much he loved her... she had really tried to push him away, not allowing herself to get close enough to him to get hurt. But they really complimented each other. Sure they had their arguments, we all do. But he really made her happy, and after awhile, for the most part it looked like things were finally coming together.
Months went by... and I mean MONTHS. Everything was fine. And finally, Momma started to say I love you back, and really TRULY mean it. 

She wasn't scared anymore, She trusted him.

Then out of nowhere Beach Bum starts to become distant, & frustrated. Their fights are more persistent, and a little more aggressive. Then before you know it... He tells Momma he's breaking up with her. This was right during the holidays, and Momma was dumbstruck. We all were. For the next 2 or 3 weeks it was very back and forth, He wanted to be with her, & then he didn't. Like he couldn't make up his mind!  He would be compassionate and intimate one moment, & then the next thing she knew he was so cold she hardly recognized him. My poor Momma was losing her mind. She even moved her things into the extra bedroom and slept in there (when he didn't come get her) to give him space.

Then it happened. 
Momma came through my door with tears streaming down her cheeks. He had told her he didn't love her anymore. It was over. Done. Along with some other not so nice comments, I was fed up. I went over to their house to get some answers. 
Beach Bum and I had a long talk. 

More like I talked very sternly while Beach Bum interjected periodically 
and Momma cried.

I tried to reason with him, understand where he was coming from, find out exactly what had caused this seemingly random about-face of emotion. But he was not giving. To be as honest as I was to his face that night, I didn't recognize the man sitting in front of me. This was not the same guy who had been our lives the last year. So disrespectful and uncaring. 
I was baffled.

And he was sticking to his choice.
He no longer loved my Momma. 

"I wish I did, She's a wonderful amazing woman. I just don't think it's going to work out. I really, really wish that it would... cause I'd love to be with her. But I really don't see it happening."

Are you Kidding me?
What kind of twisted double answer is that?!

The next few days went on with Momma in a tear-streaked zombie-like state and Beach Bum making every excuse not to be home. She begged and pleaded for him to try, to give them another shot. Then she would give up and get angry. Then he would say something, or give her a hug to console her and the whole thing would start again. She was so confused.

Then out of left field... his 15 year old son, who lives with them, fesses up. He felt horrible for how Momma was being treated, but didn't know what to do other than be truthful. Beach Bum & Son hadn't been going to the gym like Beach Bum had been saying. 
They had been apartment shopping, and they had found one. 
They were moving out in 3 days. 

I'm sure this was equivalent to a shotgun to the gut for my Momma. 

When Beach Bum got home Momma confronted him about this bit of news. Turns out, it was in fact true... except they weren't moving in 3 days.. they would be fully moved out in 2.

It's easy enough to say that at THIS point in the story... 
I hate him.

The next 2 days I was with my mom every moment she would allow. Just trying to keep her from being alone. I even took her to look at apartments for herself. For fresh start. The night before moving day was very hard for her, and she ended up crashing on my couch instead of in her own bed. The next morning was even worse. I woke up to a phone call from Beach Bum's son telling me that they were leaving and he was worried about Momma so could I please go be with her. When I got there, She was on the floor of the kitchen, scrubbing it old style with a hand towel, sobbing uncontrollably. 

My Hubbly and I sat there with her for a while... it was very hard to see her like this and not be able to do anything to make it better. Eventually she stopped scrubbing and crying long enough to talk. She told me she was going out with a friend for the day, and that she just couldn't be here. I told her I understood and I would have my phone on me in case she needed anything. She ended up coming over to my house to get ready so she wouldn't be in the house alone, which was fine with me. 

She did end up going out, and she says she had fun... but she's definitely not the same. 
She's very obviously (& understandably) broken. I've been back and forth all night and day making sure she's alright. Today, my sisters and I all went over to keep her company, and took her out for dinner and a movie. At first, when we got to the restaurant and sat down... she seemed really uncomfortable. She at one point whispered to me that she really would just rather be at home. I told her we were all here for her, and that if that was what she really wanted none of us would mind, but she was already out, and should at least try to eat a little first. 

(My Momma is a finicky eater on a GOOD day, so I know from past experience it's probably been a few days since she has had a decent sized meal.)

She reluctantly agreed, but in no time, thanks to the combination of all three of her girls, 
one of my sisters long time boyfriends, another friend of Momma's, 
and an instated "Cell Phone Jail" for everyone,

...She had tears in her eyes all over again... 

but THIS time, it was from laughing so hard none of us could breathe. We ended up going and seeing a movie (One for the Money - HORRIBLE! Not ANYWHERE near the awesome book it's supposed to be portraying!) and then heading back to her house for another movie, cookies, and more laughing. Everyone left in stages when we were too tired to continue... and before I left, I gave my Momma a hug & kiss.
"Thank you baby, this was really awesome." She whispered. 

Anytime Momma, Anytime. <3

"It's hard, and it hurts like hell... But we can only go up from here."

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