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Saturday, October 9, 2010

God? Are you there??

These last few days have been a test.
A test of strength, a test of patience,
a test of faith.


Normally i'm not a very religous person... not that I don't believe in God. I do... I was just wasnt raised incredibly religous... Ryan & I have even talked about starting to go to church once we decided we wanted a baby...

but with  everything thats happened in the last 5 days I find myself turning to "the big-guy-in-the-sky" day after day... moment after moment...

*If your not caught up on the recent, read THIS, then, I'll fill you in on the rest.*

So now I'm sitting here in bed, where I have been ALL day.. (Hubby, Melissa, AND my Momma, have put me on bed rest) ..just waiting for Wednesday to get here quickly. I went in on Thursday and met Dr. Kim (LOVE HER!) and she decided with all of my symptoms, she wanted a blood draw. she was going to do a full pre-natal work-up and get my hCG levels.. along with that she could tell me (about) how far along I was, since I was still NOT in agreeance with the 2 weeks the previous nurse I spoke to came up with.  But along with all of that good stuff she went on to explain the more serious reason for the blood draw...

"There is no reason to panic, but I want to take your levels today, and then again in a week, to make sure you arnt possibly experiencing a misscariage..."

Excuse me?
 I was really thinking we were past that. My heart sank.

I cried all the way to the lab tech's room, all the way home, and most of the rest of the day, when I wasn't sleeping. (which is why it has taken me so long to actually want to sit and write anything.) I was physically, and emotionally drained.  And to make things worse, that night @ about 9pm-ish I had the worst cramps imaginable... the ONLY thing I could do to calm them down was take a bath... (and AGAIN @ 4am when I woke up crying)
She's also going to test for a UTI or bladder infection, but right now, I could care less.

God, PLEASE don't take my baby... PLEASE let my baby be okay...

I've even found myself bartering in the back of my mind.. making promises left and right in the hopes of things turning out right.
Dr. Kim did call me yesterday morning and said that my level was at 400, which is right around what it should be 4 weeks pregnant. (I THOUGHT so!) but we arn't out of the woods yet, because she dosnt know if thats on its way up or down.

...& so we wait...

Even though I try not to think about it, I try not to worry.. thats all I seem to do. 
Once again, thank GOD I have Melissa.
She has again proven to be a wonderful distraction. :)

We FINALLY have a date set for LiL Niecie (Annaise) to be here! 

*Monday, October 18th, 2010*

We are all SO excited.. I think Melissa is just relieved.
(She's about ready for the pregnancy to just be over!)

For now that is all that is new... I will definitely keep updating as much as I can...hopefully bright and early Wednesday morning... with GOOD news.


oh God, Please give me good news.



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2 comments:

Craving Mommyhood said...

I will be praying for you. I know this has got to be tearing you apart and your mind is probably all over the place. I really hope that everything is okay and I'll be checking in to see how things turn out.

The Empress said...

Oh, I will pray for you, too, your words are so earnest.

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