...I'm going back to school...

As I sit here on the couch staring at the computer screen… Wondering what to type next, I realize I'm lost. I'm lost in the thought that I start school in less than five days.

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 Me! Going back to school!

 It's been 10 years… I almost don't know what to do with myself.

 Every time I start to think about it, 

the un-comfort of being in a new place I don't know. 

The nervousness of meeting new people I don't know. 

The unease of learning a new subject that I know absolutely nothing about… 

I have to admit, this is all extremely terrifying. 

Ryan, Being the sweetheart that he is… Tried to take me to the supply store to get stuff that I need, trying to get me into the excitement of it all. But instead of excitement, walking through the aisles with my hands full of pink school supplies… I started to think about everything That was looming... And I stopped breathing. 

Yup! Right there in the middle of Office Depot, hyperventilating in the kids crayons section, there's me having a full-blown panic attack…  

Over going back to school. 

Poor Ryan, I really don't know how he deals. 

When I began sobbing for no reason, it was everything in his power that he could do to not laugh at me. He just call me pulled me into his arms, told me to breathe and talked me through the whole thing… not that that was an easy task in itself. I was crying so hysterically you couldn't make out one word I was saying. Not that I would repeat any of the incessant naïve twiddling that I was babbling on about anyways.

 It only lasted a few minutes, and as soon as I started to calm back down Ryan carefully walked me out of the kids isle... When I'm upset, Ryan puts his hand on the back of my neck palm down to kind of relax me… 

we will walk this way, and it helps me feel centered. 

I'm sure to everybody else around us though, it looks like he's leading a very disobedient wife out of the store. A wife he has just scolded so badly so much she began to cry… 

Oh boy. Poor Ryan.. The looks that I've seen him get from the women around us, I don't know how he has put up with me for this long. If only they knew really how sweet & supportive he really is! I mean come on. Your wife tells you that instead of getting a job, shes gonna go back to school for almost a year... And he takes extra shifts at work! 

<3 

I know that in the end this will all be for the better. A great big step towards a wonderful new future... But that's the thing. I'm worried I won't make it that far... 

Wish me luck?

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